problem

Discussion in 'Basic Sciences' started by ::Princess::, Aug 25, 2009.

  1. ::Princess::

    ::Princess:: New Member

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    Hi guys
    I started my first year at university and was getting first class honours throughout the year. I had sorted out some voluntary work for myself as I was keen on getting into med school.

    Things went wrong half way through and my performance declined. Some unforeseeable events occurred and after seeking professional help, they had suggested that im not fit enough to give the exams and that I take an entire year off and get better then come back.

    But the thought of not progressing to 2nd year and seeing ervyone I know make it to their 2nd year really upsets me. and seeing as i want to go to med school, this plus the gap year has made the process longer than it already is.


    Ive lost my confidence and my self esteem is lowered. I have a feeling that id be so afraid of going back to uni that I may not go altogether.
     
  2. giella

    giella New Member

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    I've been in a remarkably similar situation to yours. The details are private and I won't air them here but I know how hard it is to watch everyone around you moving on whilst you're left behind. I felt like a failure and that everyone would forget about me and move on and I would be trailing in last place.
    It doesn't matter, in the long run. My friends stuck by me. After taking the time out, I went back and I completed my degree with the classification that I knew I was capable of. I found new ways to establish my identity and to define my interests and I had great experiences in my final years. The crisis also prepared me to handle the next one that came along.
    At the time, it felt almost impossible to look forward and past the crisis. It felt like if I couldn't cope with it now, then why bother later. Lots of irrational thoughts like that wandered through my head and it was very difficult to see past them. It's important to remember that your degree is worth something, that you are worth something. Circumstances have changed, but those things remain unchanged. Your goal of graduating and volunteering needn't change either. Fear of going back to university seems like a good reason to avoid it, but the only outcome is that it will prevent you achieving the goals you have set yourself.
    Ill health is preventing you from living a normal and happy life, just like a broken leg would prevent you from walking or running for a while. Your mental health is important and you need to treat it as a priority. That's how other people will see it. There's no shame in this. The mind can get sick, just like the body. Just look how your healthy self performed. You can recover.
    You can also expect life to throw many crises at you. Life doesn't end at each one. It goes on. The trick is to find a way to keep up with it and find the energy and motivation to keep going.
     
  3. ::Princess::

    ::Princess:: New Member

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    HI giella
    Im glad it went well for you after all the crisis.
    Your words sound encouraging and i do hope to continue.
    But the whole thought of putting my parents down so many times.first i failed to get into medical school even though i fulfilled all the prerequisites. and now this.the worse thing is even they have lost faith in me.and the constant comparison with my cousins who are moving into their 2nd and 3rd years is very discouraging.
     
  4. giella

    giella New Member

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    You haven't failed at anything yet. Believe me when I say I know what it's like to be compared to another. I do sympathise. Be assured that whilst it is a natural reaction from your parents, it's a vile thing for them to in front of you. You've never failed at anything before. You're a bright and intelligent victim of bad luck. You need their support and they ought to give it to you. I'm sure they are in their own way.
    Have you talked to your parents about this? People are often very clueless about how they may be affecting their children with their behaviour, particularly when we get older. Sometimes they need to be reminded that we need them to take care of us.
    You can do your part as well. You do need some help and if you're going to get past this you need to go in with the idea that this is something you have to do. You owe it to yourself and the people who have given you a second chance to find out where it went wrong. You're not in this position because you're lazy or stupid. Someone has seen your potential and wants to preserve it. But if your problem is real then it has a real solution. You need to process it and understand it so that it won't affect you again. That's the reasoning behind your being given a second chance and you being told to take your time off.
    Perhaps it would help to view it that way. Perhaps it would help your parents to view it that way. What is it that you want? You don't ask any questions.
     

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